Tribute To Hans

June 10, 2010

Someday I'm going to write "The Hans and Amelia" book. When I do it will have all of my thoughts and feelings, as well as a lot more detail, but for now I want to write a shorter version, as a tribute to Hans.

2004
When Kristy was a senior in high school, she started hanging out with "The Dixie Boys." Occasionally Amelia, at 15 years old, would tag along. At some point it came to my attention that one of "the boys" kind of liked Amelia, and she kind of liked him back. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that since they were in a group setting and Kristy was there. I also appreciated that "the boy" didn't ask Amelia out on a date since she wasn't yet sixteen.

On April 14th, 2005, Amelia celebrated her 16th birthday. She was mortified that I painted our front window with "SWEET 16 AND NEVER BEEN KISSED?!?!?" with lots of question marks around it. (Mothers can be a royal pain sometimes!)

Late (around 9:00) that evening, there was a "ding and ditch" at our front door. Someone had left a note, which led to a string attached to our house, which string went WAY UP into the dark evening sky, that was attached to three very large pink balloons. Dallin helped Amelia reel in the balloons, then everyone gathered around as Amelia read the poem attached to the balloons, asking her to go with Hans Kirchhausen to Dixie High School's Senior Ball. It was VERY cool!!

And so Amelia and Hans started to date, but they also dated other people. Hans graduated that year, and then worked with his family's business. After nearly a year, Hans started getting close to when he could submit his papers for a mission. Wanting to follow his Bishop's counsel to not have a steady girlfriend when he went on his mission, Hans talked to Amelia about it and they decided to "break off" their relationship. I'm not sure who it was hardest on, Hans or Amelia, but it was very difficult for both...and it only lasted a couple of months.

Soon Hans had his mission call, there was a whirlwind of "last" activities, including a week-long trip to Nauvoo with Hans' entire family. Rod and I were a bit concerned about this, but after "interviewing" Hans, as well as my having lunch with Penee Kirchhausen (she showed me the list of rules she and Holger had for the unmarried children, which made me feel good!), we felt good about Amelia going. Not long after that Hans had his mission farewell, and was off to Argentina!

That first year of Hans being gone was long and difficult for Amelia, however she handled herself very well. She did lots of creative things for Hans, and immersed herself in her college classes and dance. In December 2007, Amelia went on a medical field trip to Mexico as part of one of her classes. And she met a boy, who was in charge of field trip. Apparently they hit it off, and he asked her out when they returned. At one point Amelia asked me if I thought it was alright to go out with him. I told her, "I think it would be wrong if you DIDN'T go out with him. If your relationship with Hans can't stand up to the comparison with another guy, then you don't have much." And so Amelia dated him.

A few months later, after a lot of pressure from "medical boy," Amelia wrote Hans a letter explaining that she had met someone, was going to "give him a chance," so she wouldn't be writing anymore. However, she assured Hans she wouldn't get married before he came home from his mission. (Little did we know that Hans never told his family about Amelia's "dear john" letter...until he got home from his mission. It was a devastating shock to them!)

So Amelia and "medical boy" dated the last seven months of Hans mission. He came home over Labor Day weekend while we were camping at Navajo Lake. The following weekend Hans had contacted Amelia and made arrangements for them to go out. I'm not sure who was more nervous about this date, but everyone was! I was VERY surprised when Amelia returned an hour later. I thought they would surely spend a lot of time together, but I was wrong. The gist of what took place was that Hans asked Amelia if she was happy. She told him she was, so he simply said, "Well then, that's all that matters." And he let her go.

Fast forward to November 2008, "medical boy" proposed to Amelia and they became engaged. We got through the holidays, then some rough family stuff in January/February 2009. February 14th Amelia went through the St. George Temple to receive her endowment, a month before her scheduled March 14th wedding. It was a beautiful day and a time I will always remember.

A few short weeks later, on a Sunday evening, a few "issues" came up about the wedding dinner. It was all kind of strange, like slow motion, how everything happened. One minute we're discussing the dinner, and seemingly the next minute "medical boy" is packing his stuff, saying he doesn't think the marriage is going to work, and leaves the house. He and Amelia had minimal contact for the next couple of days and he thought through his feelings, then finally told Amelia that "he didn't think they knew each other well enough, and that they needed to date more."

Boy, if that wasn't a RED FLAG I don't know what was!! As difficult as it was, Amelia managed to see the light and totally cut things off. The next several months, understandably, were VERY difficult. There were some funny situations where Amelia would go on a blind date and be thought of as a return missionary, or as a young widow. And she never felt the compulsion to correct their views. It was a strange 11 months. Through all of this turmoil Hans would call or text Amelia occasionally to see how she was doing. Her 20th birthday (1 month to the day after her planned wedding) was especially difficult. But it Hans who called her to see how she was doing and to lend his emotional support even though he was no longer in the picture. Amelia really appreciated his understanding of her and his friendship with no strings attached.

In June 2009, Amelia moved to Rexburg, Idaho to go to school and to live with Brandon and Tannya. Hans had moved to Provo to broaden his horizons a bit and to get out of St. George. January 2010, Kristy moved to Provo to atttend BYU after returning from her mission to Korea. She and Hans had remained friends and she was grateful for their friendship as she adjusted to post-mission life at BYU.

Kristy was the perfect "mediator!" She would talk to Amelia about Hans, and then she would talk to Hans about Amelia. Gradually she calmed each of the emotionally hurt victims into a state of "it won't hurt you to go out with each other once!" And so they did. It went well.
Fast forward to May 28th, in San Francisco. Hans proposes to Amelia, and she agrees to be his wife. And we presume they will live happily ever after!

Now, here is my tribute to Hans: As I have watched this young man over the past six years I have seen a boy who has wanted to do what is right. He has tried to follow the counsel of his priesthood leaders. He chose to serve a mission when he could easily have worried he would lose his girlfriend. He went anyway. He got a "dear john" from the girl, but never let anyone but his sister know until he got home. He could have been angry, he could have let it ruin his mission, he could have been vindictive and vengeful. Instead he chose to really care about Amelia. Was she happy? Yes. "Then that's all that matters." That isn't the usual response. None of us like to be hurt or disappointed. But Hans cared what the Lord wanted, and he cared what Amelia wanted. And then Hans trusted the Lord that His plan was perfect, and Hans would accept whatever that was.

I can't imagine how Hans felt through the last three years. But I am so grateful for his example, for his love of the Savior; for his willingness to do what the Lord wanted and being willing to accept His will no matter what, even when it looked very dark! I am SO grateful for the way things have turned out and Rod and I have no qualms about our daughter becoming Hans' wife. We feel very blessed to have him as part of our family!! Well done, Hans!!