Mom's Moment
August16, 2009

ANGER MANAGEMENT!!

PART I:
What's your hook? When a person goes fishing they try to get the fish to bite the hook. The adversary isn't so different from a fisherman. He uses lots of different "hooks" so he can reel us in. Recognizing anger hooks is very helpful in avoiding them.

Most hooks fall into two categories: Injustice or Incompetence. We have a tendency to "bite" whenever we encounter a circumstance that we perceive as unfair or a situation that puts us at the mercy of someone inept.
Next time you feel yourself start to get angry, see if it fits into either category. Understanding WHY we got "hooked" into anger goes a long way in helping us deal with it and even avoid it.

Anger can be triggered when a need isn't met. There are two categories here as well. They are: Respect (desire to be understood) and Territory. When a person feels disrespected, he usually expresses an angry concern that someone else's actions have left him feeling slighted. Territory (personal space) may not seem like a big deal...until it is violated.

So, what do we do with this? The next time you feel angry, quickly ask yourself, What is my need? As we identify the underlying causes of the anger we are able to deal with it better each time. Managing anger is hard work, and it may seem at times that we're not making much progress. Don't give up! Keep trying. The small steps add up after awhile to nice changes! I should know!!


PART II:
Some of you may remember a "fridge paper" that used to be on the refrigerator door ALL the time. I came across it the other day and thought it would be a good reminder to all of us:

DEALING WITH ANGER

1. I will be quick to say I'm sorry and I'll be slow to take offense.

2. I will talk about my feelings, even when it is difficult.

3. If someone doesn't understand why I'm angry I will explain things calmly and not vent my anger on anyone else.

4. I realize EVERYONE makes mistakes. I will not always think I am right and everyone else is wrong.

5. I will graciously say, "You might be right." - - even if I'm sure they are wrong!

6. I will acknowledge the part I had in doing something wrong, and will be quick to apologize and make things right.

7. I cannot afford the "luxury" of anger. I will be quick to forgive even if I don't feel like it.

8. If I do get angry about something, I will allow myself a few minutes to calm down and then I will apologize AND forgive the other person. I will NOT hold onto anger.