People occasionally ask me if I'm feeling the "empty nest" syndrome. I quickly reply, "Not so much...I have 25 'kids' who come in my house every week! (piano students)" However, perhaps I am if reflecting on the past 30 years of parenting is part of the empty nest experience.
It all started a few days ago. Dallin, Dad and I were putting up our NEW Christmas tree. Talk about slick! It’s the kind where the branches fold out with a little flick of the wrist, and, of course, is pre-lit! As Dal and I were fluffing the branches, he said, “Hey! Do you realize in a couple of years we won’t be doing this anymore?!” Not missing a beat, I said, “Yeah, we’re going to get a little table to put in front of the window, and we’ll stick a little tree on it, and YOU will get this BIG tree!! Boy, our life is going to be simpler!” In retrospect, I think Dal was awakening to the fact that “things change!” And from here on out in his life, there’s going to be a lot of change!
The next day “emotions” started to be tweaked in me. Weird evaluations of the past 30 years of parenting were the order of the day. “Remember this? Boy you sure blew it! Remember that? WHAT were you thinking!?! Man, you sure weren’t a very good mother!!”
Why is it always easier to see “stupid thinking” when someone else is having a problem than it is to see when YOU are the one being sucked into it?! SHEESH. Nevertheless, that’s what was going on when Natalee called me. I am SO glad she has figured out how to talk about feelings and not just shut down like she used to! ^_^ We had a good talk about a lot of things, and then I mentioned something about feeling like I’m losing a daughter because she is up in Logan, she’s far from home, much closer to Wyatt’s family and, in my emotional state, I felt like she cared much more about HIS family than ours. (Yes, I know it was retarded thinking…)
Anyway, we were able to talk about all of our feelings about that AND other things. Like my feeling badly that we were always so stretched financially and couldn’t buy so many of the things it seemed like “EVERYONE else” had. With a little help from Natalee, I suddenly looked at things a little differently. She said she didn’t remember some of the stuff I brought up, but that she was grateful for all the things she has learned because of not always having everything she wanted.
I said, “Okay, let’s see. Each of you kids KNEW you were loved. No question there. You were given MUSIC; you were given the GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST; you were given parents who you KNEW loved each other; you were raised in a moral home. Wow! Would I trade any of those for MONEY? Nope!”
And so, these are just some of my rambling thoughts and experiences of the last couple of days. I am SO grateful for ALL that we have been blessed with, even when it may not have seemed like such a great blessing at the time!
Sometimes it takes the bifocals of time passage to help us see more clearly exactly what we have been blessed with.
I hope you’re all paying attention in your lives, and making good choices, so when you look back you will not have many regrets.
Love,
Mom
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