Denzel's Death. . .

Having Death come knocking on your door is akin to being run over by a steamroller.  It FLATTENS you!!  It is such a physical experience...you feel like the wind is knocked out of you; that your heart is being pulled out of your chest; you have NO desire to eat; and you are so shaky that you feel on the verge of passing out.  And that's just the physical side.

Then there's the emotional side:  how do you process shock, grief, anger, disappointment, frustration, relief, and joy all at the same time???  Tears are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the emotions within the heart, mind and soul.

There is the "relationship" side of things:  how do I help my husband?  how do I help my children?  how do I help my daughter-in-law?  how do I help her daughter? how do I process MY feelings?

There's the physical planning of everything, the juggling around difficult relationships, the controlling of thoughts and emotions about things you have NO SAY in because you are "only the parents."  Trying to passify a hurting and angry daughter-in-law while stuffing all of your hurt feelings down inside where they, hopefully, won't surface and become a raging volcano!

Seeing our son, clothed in his military dress uniform, complete with white gloves, and long sword at his side as he lay in the beautiful black casket, his head carefully covered.  Holding his un-gloved right hand one last time, caressing his arms, his chest, his legs, knowing we will not see him in the flesh for many years...and we are already missing him desperately.  Seeing each other, and our children, experience so much heartache at the loss of our son and their brother.  Watching Anna, his wife, so desperately grieving because of not having a foundation in the gospel of Jesus Christ, His atonement, and the plan of salvation.

Feeling a TREMENDOUS outpouring of love and support from so many people...family, friends, neighbors, associates, friends of friends, friends of children, co-workers, and unknown people as well.  It is such an incredible lifting by sharing the burden of grief and loss.  Rejoicing through tears, sharing the heartache of our loss as many many people came to Denzel's visitation, funeral, and burial services; being able to share with so many our love for our son, and feel it reciprocated to us by so many others.

These are just a very few of my feelings!  I cannot express in words all that I feel.  However, the overriding feeling I have is that I KNOW Denzel is okay.  I KNOW Rod and I will see him again and that we have claim on him for eternity because of the covenants we have made with God in His holy temple.  I KNOW that the atonement of Jesus Christ is truly the single most important event of this entire Earth, from its beginning to its end.  I KNOW Jesus Christ lived, He is the son of God, and it is only through Him that we have the comfort, the peace, and the assurance that our son's death is only a TEMPORARY loss.

I am GRATEFUL for the incredible blessings we have been given as a family.  We have TRULY been blessed, even in this difficult time.  I am THANKFUL!!

Still Waiting. . .

Death is an interesting event. . . still trying to process all the different feelings . . .

Maybe SOMEDAY I'll get my thoughts and feelings down on paper!

CONDITIONING. . .

A man went to the zoo and, at one point, found himself walking past some elephants.  A bit confused, he turned back to where the elephants were tied up and looked at the thin rope tied to their front leg. The man knew the elephants could easily break the thin rope and wondered why they were not housed in a cage or even had chains to secure them in place.

A member of the zoo staff walked past and the man stopped him, asking about the use of such a small rope.    “You see,” said the park attendant, “when the elephants are babies, we tie them with this size rope, which easily holds them in place. As the elephants grow and become much bigger it has been ingrained in them that they are not able to break the rope. It’s called ‘conditioning' . . .  we condition them from birth to believe that they can never break free of the rope and this conditioning lasts throughout their lifetime.”

The man stood in amazement at such a simple explanation and what a huge effect this had on these giant animals. HE knew that they could, at any time, break free of the rope, but the elephants believed that they could never be free.

Do WE think like these trained elephants by believing that we cannot do something just because we have never done it before, OR tried once and failed?

“Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” Henry Ford

EASTER!!

We LOVED having Kristy come home on Friday, and then Dallin come home on Saturday evening.  (If he would have been a couple hours earlier, he would have enjoyed our Easter Cookout and Egg Hunt!)

Since everyone had lots of different activities/plans Friday and Saturday, we made our family plans for Saturday evening.  Dad and I got a bunch of the old plastic Easter eggs and filled them with candy and money.  We then made a bunch of foil dinners - some with hamburger and some with chicken.  Nat and I (and MaryAnn Zabriskie) went down and saddled all the horses, and got things ready to go.  Millie, Hans and I went in our truck, pulling our 4 horses, and  Dad and Kristy went with Nat and RJ, in his truck.  (They had to stop in Ivins to get some shoes for RJ.)

When Mil, Hans and I got there, a family with older kids and a couple of younger kids were there.  Without missing a beat, I asked them, "Who wants to ride a horse?"  The little kids were ecstatic!  We led them around a bit, then I asked older kids who wanted to ride.  The first three that rose their hands got to do a quick ride with me on the first part of the trail.  They loved it . . . and so did I!  It's fun making people happy!




Everyone else got there just as we finished up, so we got the saddle bags loaded up, Nat on Chip (bareback) and me on Morningstar (bareback), and got on the trail.  It was a "walk only" ride (for Millie's pregnant-ness) and we had fun talking, laughing and singing!  Dad broke out his harmonica and helped us along!




When we got to a good spot in the gully, we got a great fire going to make some good coals.  I handed out 7 bags of Easter eggs and told everyone the boundaries for hiding the eggs.  At first they thought it was "lame" to hide their own eggs.  I assured them they didn't know everything and to just do it!



When all the eggs were hidden, we came back to the fire.  It was PERFECT for the foil dinners, so we got them all on the coals to cook.  Then, I pointed to each individual and assigned them a color, telling them they could ONLY get that color egg.  Suddenly, finding the eggs wasn't going to be so easy after all!!

It took nearly 30 minutes to find all the eggs...

. . . and the dinners were cooked to perfection!!  YUM!!

By the time we finished it was getting dark dusk, so we had to hurry out of the canyon.

And it was great to come home to DALLIN!!

GENERAL CONFERENCE 2012

Loved watching Conference!!

On Saturday we watched Conference, I took some horseback rides (piano student rewards) out; watched the afternoon session. . . rather LISTENED to the afternoon session as I colored my hair AND helped Millie get UN-frustrated with sewing her first baby quilt . . .


After the afternoon session of Conference, I took another horseback ride out; came home, exchanged a couple of horses, and took a "men-are-gone-to-Priesthood-Session" ride with the ladies!  Had a blast with Nat, Mil, MaryAnn and April (& Isaiah!)

Mom's 56th Birthday...

Nat and I drove home Thursday night for a few different reasons...but mainly because of my birthday and the Spectrum 10k run on the 17th (surprise gift registration for the race from Natalee!)

Lots of fun birthday wishes from friends and family, gifts, and kindnesses!




Nat went overboard to make my birthday very special:  breakfast in bed, signs, presents, etc.  It was a fun day even though a lot of the family were spread out.  

I absolutely LOVED the BYU Rugby shirt Rod and Dallin got me!!

I got to take three different rides out on my birthday!  It was SO fun being with Trevor, Nichole, and Brock (and my student, Alex!)  Missed having Mason and Bridger along!!  Maybe next time!

 Nat and I ran the Spectrum 10K early Saturday morning before driving back up to Mapleton that afternoon.  She did great and pushed me to finish well!  Thanks for a great birthday, Nat!!

Post Surgery Update...

We ended up spending nearly two weeks in Mapleton!   Thanks to Dan and Janet and family for their hospitality and help!!  It was SO nice being there with you, and feeling of your love and support!!

The family helps Dal unwrap his leg for the first time...BEAUTIFUL!!

Dad and I went to Brandon's and Tannya's for a brief visit...great photo op with Nikki!!

                                                                                                       This is how Dal and Nat REALLY feel about his leg being such a mess!!

Surgery Video

Dal's Knee Surgery

Even the bad stuff is good stuff when it makes for great memories!!  Surgery included!  Dal pointed out that, historically speaking, whenever he has had major medical events it has always occurred around Spring Break!  I wonder if I should punch him in his good leg for all of the ruined vacations!!

I drove up early Friday morning and arrived in Provo at 10:00.  Picked Dal up and drove to the surgery center.  waited for 2 hours before actually getting into surgery, a 2 1/2 hour surgery, and then post-op time had us leaving the center a few minutes before 6:00 p.m.  Fun day...

BEFORE. . . DURING. . . and AFTER SURGERY!!

(Pain levels have been rather intense the first 24 hours, but are starting to taper off now...every 5 hours rather than every 2 hours...)

Friday evening the cousins came over and helped "entertain" the patient!  We all had fun together, and Dal enjoyed having people around him...even though he was just a tad "foggy."








"SLEEP OVER" time on the floor!  And, of course, there was "BATH TIME" when Dal was starting to feel a bit grungy (a good sign!)

Saturday afternoon we had a fun time at the BYU vs. Air Force rugby match.  A  few weeks ago our family thought we'd be attending the match to watch Dallin PLAY!!  Change of plans...

When Dallin was insistent, pre-surgery, that he would be going to the game less than 24 hours post-surgery, I just bit my tongue thinking the pain level would be the deciding factor.  Not so much!  The "rugby brotherhood" is a much stronger influence than pain!  We went to the game!!    But the pictures tell the real story!

Great memories!  And here's to a SPEEDY RECOVERY, DALLIN!!

Jeonghoon leaves for Korea

It was fun having Jeonghoon Son here with us for a couple of months.  Time sure does fly by quickly.  Today was his last Sunday with us, so we had a big dinner of roast, potatoes, carrots, salad, biscuits, and gravy.  Kristy, Hans and Amelia, and Nat and Rj were here to enjoy it with us.

We gave Jeonghoon a bag of Goldfish (he LOVES them!), a Korean Book of Mormon, and a credit card sized Articles of Faith.  We are sad to see him leave, but he definitely knows more about Mormons as he returns to Korea than he did when he came to the United States.  Good luck with everything, Jeonghoon!!